I do not know where do I start from, today I had one of the most horrible days in my life and the reason- I am gay. I am born in Calcutta and did my higher studies from Bombay, and while growing up, I started writing. I wrote for some of the big publications in India and abroad too. Then, I was in college when I got inclined towards fashion journalism, as it happened by chance and more so because fashion gave a new space, where people in my professional field respected my sexual orientation.I covered Lakme Fashion Weeks and Dubai Fashion Week, and somehow everywhere I went I felt fashion accepts gay people more than any corporate field. I am 23 years old and like every other guy, I do feel a need for love and companionship and acceptance from society. Today, I feel like crying and relieving my heart, but I am pretending to be strong, as I am a guy, I should be strong. Today,someone abused me because I am gay. Well, long story short, I was homesickabout Calcutta, living all alone in Bombay.
Bombay’s luxuries life and all other glittery still made me miss home. So, once I finished my Graduation in English Literature in 2012 and did some writing work for a year, I felt I should do my Masters from Calcutta and re-unite to my roots. I knew this guy called Sona Kunda, as he used to come to the same gym where I workedout in Calcutta, many years back, when I was in school.
Just on Friday, I was cycling in morning as sometimes I do, and this guy saw me in the road and started chatting up, and I have realized that in Calcutta or cities where LGBTI awareness is less, people somehow get attracted to me and never relalise that it is actually an attraction, sometimes it’s non-sexual. To be honest, being gay doesn’t give you friends, most people who come near me is because of the little success that I have achieved being a freelance journalist since last 9 years, I took the pen and I loved words as humanbeings dejected me by calling me gay. So, I gave my love for printed words.
This guy, Sona too came near me for the same reason, he apparently purposefully, came close to me and told me about his plans to live in Mumbai and how he needs Rs. 40 lakhs (read asking for) and he can even murder someone for that. Well I took that as a joke, because sometimes I have seen (read rarely) that some young boys speak like that. Then, he indirectly sought my help as I have many connections in Bombay, and forced me to exercise with him and took me to gym and latter to salon and his house. And I am such a guy, I do not force straight men to have sex with me. I always go for consensual sex and I do not believe in making gay people straight or straight people gay, I respect people’s identity.
This guy, Sona told me that how he is supposed to get Rs. 40 lakhs just by being with some women (Simran) for 2 years, and Sona said he can absolutely do anything to get Rs. 40 lakhs, even it is to be with any middle-aged rich woman, apparently I do not know what he meant by all that he said to me. Well,sounds strange, but people somehow sometimes tell weird stuffs with me, Ihate it, as I am not a counsellor and not someone who can be dumped with all emotional garbages of other people. I am not interested in him, nor had any sexual desire for him and neither did I have anything for him or something.
Well, he called me at 7.22pm on Friday when I was studying and Idid not answer his call, also as my cell was in silent mode, I had an
Entrance Exam for Masters in Fashion Management on Saturday noontime. I messaged him around 10pm when I went for dinner “Studying dear. Take Care” and did some revisions and slept to wake up early with fresh mind and study again. Around 12am, some girl named Simran called me and woke me up from my sleep and started arguing and insulting me that I sent Sona messages which she does not find appropriate and she went on to be more abusive, I told her to mind her own business and told her 12am is not the time to call any decent person and kept the phone, trying to sleep. Well, latter that night Sona abused mein several sms that “I was not calling u it was by mistake i m not even interested to see u as u r gay so try someonle else u defective peice u gay” and Simran wrote to me “stop disturbing n who is defective u know better then me go n ask ur parents baby. Now u will suffer u defective piece”
Well, my simple msg “Studying dear. Take Care” can be misinterpreted like this as a flirting message, and well in Bombay in parties, we kiss friends, and we air kiss, and we say – baby, sweetheart, honey, love, sweets, dear, and the likes to almost anyone we meet in parties and in social gatherings. Well, then this guy Sona harassed me by calling me so many times, I hardly answered his call, because I had to concentrate on my studies. I finished Exam and then went for a movie. I was returning home, when I was in a cycle rickshaw and this guy Sona chased me, and put up a big fight in the street,calling me gay and what not!!! He looks like a goon, and is not well educated and hardly speaksEnglish.
For a moment, I felt like hitting him back, as he held my bag, and showing him that ‘decency is not someone can take for granted’ but I fought up with a battle of words. Well, when he could not win the argument, he started abusing me as ‘gay’ and what not. Well, is ‘gay’ an
abuse??? And there were people all around who made a circle, few said to stop, most of them were watching some ‘tamasha’ of a gay guy being harassed out in the road. He had only one thing to say, that since I was gay, I was a “defective piece” and all kinds of meaningless abuses.
It was horrible for me, as I feel people should respect everyone irrespective of their sexual orientation. Sona kept on abusing me as gay and went on, I had to tell my rickshaw guy to move on, whom Sona started hitting. Sona almost hit me too, but I controlled myself and did not hit him back. Well, am I to cry or to defend myself in a nation, where a gang of boys rape a girl and she dies, and again someone rapes a 5-year old child, and here in Calcutta a gay boy, who is respected and freelances for the most circulated Englishdaily in Eastern India, still goes through this kind of harassment.
And why??? Because I am Gay!!! Well, when I came home, I was shattered, here I was in love with Calcutta and everyone in Calcutta tells me, I should stay here and help in Calcutta’s growth! Well, in this kind of way, I will be insulted in the road and homo-phobic people will watch it like ‘tamasha’ inthe road. Once, I came home, I told my Mom, and she called Sona and told him in clear Bengali, not to come to our house or contact us in anyway,anytime anywhere. He is circulating our numbers to bad people (his friends I guess), also in internet and facebook and other sites I got many disturbing calls from unknown numbers and again harassment And I still feel like crying, this is the city which I love and I feel like contributing and helping it grow and how I am treated,or a nation as whole, how badly we are treated.
I am a budding journalist,I studied in English medium school, I lived in Bombay, was born in a metro like Calcutta, and I am exposed to many things that many other gay boys in villages do not get, yet I am abused in public like this. Well, I feel like dying, so often I feel suicidal for this reason. Well, when will we get our rights to live freely? Why do we Gay men have to take so much pain andsuffering? We are humans too, we deserve same human rights. I have tears in my eyes, and somehow it has dried now. This is a gay boy’s story in our big democracy like India, a shockingly sad tale indeed!!!
PS: I seek some professional help, can we take legal actions against this guy for being so nasty???
And please let me have a Counselling as I am in Calcutta, I am in quite some trauma now.
Or can you please connect me to someone you know in Calcutta who can help in someways too.
The author of this post wished to remain anonymous
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