Hear both sides of the story before you counsel a friend on his/her relationship, advices Rohan Noronha
It’s been a long time since I wrote anything, and must I write today, yes. Why should I write? I write because I am able to express better, and if I am able to express well, I can help you- my lovely readers- with your issues. So let’s talk about evaluations in a relationship, shall we?
Case study
Ajmal comes down to your city to spend a lovely holiday, prior to that, you and he have been best online buddies. You both were ‘dating online’, but you didn’t know what was ahead. Ajmal is this so called suave dude, and an apple of everyone’s eye around. You’re much elder to him and you love him truly, madly and deeply. Night after night, there are long talks over phone, Skype and many other ways. You finally meet him and the journey begins.
While the holiday is on, the two of you are completely aloof from the real world. Your friends think you are ignoring them; some even go ahead and block you on various social networking sites citing the same. The holiday is half way through, and a misunderstanding happens. One of the friends who blocked you gets in touch with Ajmal, who is a mutual friend to the two of you. When Ajmal gets back home after the holiday, the two of them connect. They talk about the misunderstanding and Ajmal is told that he brought this on himself.
Where does that leave him? He feels horrible, guilty, and starts evaluating what he did and went through. He stops talking to you the way he used to, and loses complete faith and trust in you. You on the other hand have no clue that this plot is being cooked, oh God why!! You call Ajmal, he is nonchalant about your talks, about you as a person and certainly isn’t into you the way he was. Your life is slowly crumbling before your own eyes, and you don’t know what to do.
Next step, you head to meet Ajmal in his city, he asks you to stay over at his place, unwillingly though. You think of it as patch up time, but the true colors come out, he ignores your presence, you feel alienated, you walk out. Ajmal is furious and thinks you two can never be one anymore. He has forgotten all the promises of love once made over nightly talks. The future plans, the kids to adopt, the lovemaking sessions, the trust and faith he once had in you. And the biggest promise of all, “No matter what, I will never leave you.” Ajmal has forgotten it all.
Your life is shattered, you come back home. With a hope in your heart you write to him, he blames you for not understanding the silence in his eyes, the emotions he goes through, he blames you for everything. You cannot take it anymore, you call it quits too. You both move on, or have you?
Moral of the story: If you know a couple going through a rough ride in their relationship, it’s best to hear them out on both sides and then counsel, don’t break them up by making them feel guilty of the situation they are in, you certainly are not helping!!