There came a random post by my openly gay friend, who had claimed that those who go for “Masc for Masc”, is something offensive to gay community, and that it just follows the patriarchal culture, that doesn’t let a Masc accept a Fem. To stand up for Fem gay men is pretty good, but to judge the Masc for his preference is what made me feel uncomfortable.
This friend of mine, who is proudly fem, has not dated any Fellow Fem guys! In this, I see a paradox. I have hardly seen any fem guy “date” another fem guy or prefer one. If given a choice of a Masc or a Fem who is interested in a Fem guy, the choice could very well be a Masc, at least my friend here, would drool over the manliest guys on insta or Facebook.
He has all the choice to choose how he wants to be. Flamboyant, loud, feminine, and he even could be a Diva, but for some entitlement of sort, he wants the Mascs to adore him, sexually. While he would be “inspired” by the fem guys and the drag queens, will he date one? There are many Mascs who date Fem guys, but how many Fems date another Fem? Mostly they just end up wanting to be “sisters” or “friends”. If you say that it’s biological, may be it’s the same for a Masc to be attracted to a fellow Masc.
“Fems stay away” isn’t the nicest thing to read, but why bother? It’s the same as a fat girl wanting a handsome guy, who is ignoring her, to “like her for who she is”, but wouldn’t date the nerdy guy with a pot belly, for his heart!
In fact, I would like to see more “Fem for Fem” profiles saying “Mascs stay away”. In that case, the community could be a bit more open towards their own kind. What I have mentioned here could be something really offensive. But I think we need to start empowering ourselves first, and giving ourselves the first preference instead of moral-policing others into accepting us.
Having said that, there was one guy who preferred open and sorted guys over a closeted guy, whoever he may be, and I still think it’s legit. When open men prefer others who are open, although it might be like forcing a closeted to come out, it still means that he doesn’t moral police you, but simply prefers someone with whom he can be seen in public with.
If “Open for Open” could be a thing, why not “Fem for Fem”? That Masc for Masc seems as legit as any other preference. And no, all Fems need not be Bottom, and all Tops need not be Masc. I am sure a new wave of acceptance, starts with us.