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Ever since I can remember I was always attracted to guys of other nationalities and races. I guess I got through to my 40’s without realising why.

I was in London. 17. My friends were at a matinee theatre show. I wanted to see a different show (that was only on in the evening). So I was walking around near the hotel filling in time. A guy in a black Mercedes flashed his headlights at me. I circled back. He wound down his window. I said “What are you up to?” He said, “Just looking for a guy or a girl to spend time with.”

Anyway, we walked to my hotel, and I had my first real experience with a guy. He was older than me – perhaps in his 30’s. We kissed, and lay on the bed. I sucked him. And he asked if I had any lube. I didn’t know what he meant (it was my first time). But I got the idea that he wanted to fuck me, and needed something to make it easier. I grabbed shampoo from the bathroom. So the first time was so amazing, but it hurt like hell for a few days (yeah, I learnt not to use shampoo as lube the hard way).

It was 1983 – and neither of us had condoms (and yes, it was the start of the AIDS crisis – so I had heard about AIDS – but had no idea what it was about). All the information we got was from newspapers and TV – and there was nothing to educate a young gay boy exploring his life what it was all about. Just that it was a “gay cancer”. Not like the internet now – where anything you want to know (and more) is available anywhere, anytime.

So far in this story, I have lost my virginity – but I don’t think I have made it clear why I like “foreign boys”.

So when I started dating, I dated a couple of white Australian guys. It was OK. Then a Scottish guy. Then a few other Italians, Greeks, Lebanese and so on. I had a decent long relationship with a Norwegian guy. When I fell for a Syrian guy, I guess I started to feel more like it was what I was most comfortable with. But why was that?

So by this time I am in my early 40’s. I guess that’s when I realised the physical attraction to “brown skinned” guys was linked to my first gay encounter – with that Saudi Arabian guy in London. But it was more than that.

The initial experience I had was very submissive, taking orders, doing what he wanted. And I guess that’s how I related the rest of my sexual awakening – and how I continued. Yes I have topped, but I was always most comfortable pleasing the guy – being a bottom to the top. But perhaps also emotionally. My needs were secondary. His were paramount.

So flash back to when I was about to turn 48. I had it all. Flying First Class – multi million dollar home – dream job with him. On holiday with my Syrian BF in Spain. I decided that enough was enough. I was a person too – I wouldn’t be defined by him or his whims. But I was still a worthy person – worthy of respect. And that’s the thing that’s non negotiable.

So yes, I am attracted to guys with dark skin, and sexually I am a submissive bottom. But not at any cost. My self respect is incredibly important.

I hope you are able to work out how and why you are attracted to the people you are attracted to – and how your needs and emotions can be cared for, nurtured and respected.

Steve
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