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An Obituary to My Mommy

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Dear All,

I write this with no expectations of sympathies and empathy, but for the very fact that this could happen to anyone of us. On February 23rd 2015- My mother- Mrs. Greta Noronha passed away in a state of comatose; after 4 years and 3 months, battling dementia.

I write this obituary to commemorate the strong-willed lady she was; a mother who understood her sons (an androgynous child and a straight child), a loving wife to my father and a devoted family member to the rest- she left her lucrative job as an air-hostess back in the 70s and married my dad, rejoined the airlines in the early 80s only to leave it again for the family, especially for my brother and me.

Depression causes a plethora of brain-related illnesses

I never understood why my mother suffered a terrible 4 year illness- only to be taken away peacefully at the end of it all, but the doctors did confirm she was depressed. My mom was a feminist in her own rights; a human who understood the pains of not only women, but the LGBTQIA community at large.

As much as she hugged her straight child; with equal amount of love and devotion she hugged her androgynous kid- me. Growing up, she always taught us how to respect people who aren’t ‘society specific’- she cared for the eunuch community; helped them with counselling as and when she met them now and then. One of the princesses from the community in our area called her MA- she loved her alot. I do not know where she is now; this was late back then in the early 90s- we had recently shifted to this place- it’s almost two decades now.

Ma was depressed with the misogyny around; of people pointing fingers and making a mockery of the women, the LGBTQIA community and of the bigoted religious sects trying to make her believe and think otherwise- she rebelled against them all.

Ma was someone who fought against family members; a lioness in her own rights who brought people to their stance when they raised fingers about my orientation, sexuality or demeaned anyone- she would never raise her voice, but her actions were enough!

She gave me the strength

I didn’t have to tell ma and pa that I was indeed not the ‘straight’ boy in the family who would bring home a wife; a daughter-in-law for them; I infact brought home my boyfriends, girlfriends, transgender friends and the lot- she embraced them all. Her light kisses and hugs were warmly taken and appreciated; little did she know, life would end soon for her- she was only 60 when the other realms beckoned her across.

She gave me strength to be who I was; to stand for dignity and my own rights; to be someone I shouldn’t be afraid of being- most importantly, to be a real human- not a hypocrite in a closet- her exact stance.

She was someone I could share my deepest, darkest, naughtiest secrets- my first kiss, the first makeout session with a girl, the first time with a boy and more- she knew it all; which is why I say, mothers more than fathers are intuitive.

I don’t know how I would want to end this note- but maybe I would like to share a few lines I saw online. I hope this resonates with you as much; for you reading this too are my moms child- no matter who you are, how you dress, where you come from or what orientation you believe in.

“There’s magic in a mother’s touch,
And sunshine in her smile.
There’s love in everything she does
To make our lives worthwhile.
We can find both hope and courage
Just by looking in her eyes.
Her laughter is a source of joy,
Her works are warm and wise.
There is a kindness and compassion
To be found in her embrace,
And we see the light of heaven
Shining from a mother’s face.”

Rohan Noronha
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